Driving my daughter to cross-country practice last week, she turned to me and said, “Dad, I feel like if I don’t ace everything in school, I won’t make it into the Air Force Academy.” She’s 15, and her dream is clear. But what struck me wasn’t her ambition, it was the burden she carried.
At the same time, my son dreads school every morning. He says, “Dad, I can learn all of this on my own. Why should I sit through another day that feels pointless?” Two kids, two different frustrations, but both wrestling with the same question: what makes life meaningful?
That same evening, I read the news of Charlie Kirk’s assassination. The shock rippled through our country, not just because a public figure was killed, but because it deepened the sense that America is sliding into despair. Violence, polarization, and declining happiness hang over us like a heavy cloud.
And yet, in the middle of my children’s anxieties, I kept thinking about something Harvard professor Arthur Brooks teaches: happiness is built from three ingredients— enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning—and it depends on a balance of nature, circumstances, and habits.
How Much Is in Our Control?
That night, I reminded my daughter, and my son, who insists every morning that he’d rather teach himself than sit in a classroom, that researchers agree genetics influences happiness. Some studies estimate up to 50% may be tied to our natural temperament. But here’s the key: why focus on what you cannot change?
What really matters is the other half, the part we can influence. Arthur Brooks points to a model where 25% comes from circumstances (grades, money, daily conditions) and 25% from habits—investing in faith, family, friendship, and work. Positive psychology researchers, like those at the University of New Hampshire, frame it differently: 10% from circumstances, and as much as 40% from intentional activity, our mindset, perspective, and daily choices.
Whichever you prefer, the message is the same: a huge portion of your happiness is in your hands. Circumstances like grades or frustrating classrooms matter less than the habits you build, gratitude, discipline, connection. Those daily investments carry more weight than a test score or fleeting ups and downs of circumstance.
The Four Accounts So how do we invest in habits that matter? Brooks points to four accounts where deposits pay lifetime dividends: faith, family, friendship, and work.
Money can strengthen these accounts, by creating stability, buying time, or funding opportunities, but it never replaces them.
Despair and Hope
The assassination of Charlie Kirk reminded me how fragile our social fabric is. When faith declines, families fracture, friendships thin, work loses meaning, and despair spreads. No amount of wealth can shield us from that erosion.
There is hope. If we learn to focus on the portion of happiness that is under our control— whether 25% or 40%—we can withstand the darkest times. Habits of faith, family, friendship, and work are not just personal lifelines, they are cultural ones.
The Real Currency
As a financial advisor, I spend my days talking about investing, interest rates, and planning. But at home, around the dinner table, the real conversations are about happiness, the kind that endures. I want my daughter to know her worth isn’t tied to a test score, just as my son needs to know his value isn’t diminished by a classroom that frustrates him. And I want both to understand that money, while useful, is not the currency of happiness.
Love is. Purpose is. Being needed is.
Money can build the scaffolding for those things, but it is not the house itself.
Joe Olive, CFP, MPS, is a 10-year Air Force veteran who works as a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER with Sather Financial Group, a fee-only strategic planning and investment management firm. He holds a master’s degree from Columbia University.
